You have a dollar

You have a dollar

Two Blonde men were in the  woods hunting.  One looked at the other said, "I've got to take a shit."

The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees and shit."

The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass."  The other blonde replied,  "You have a dollar, don't you?"

The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-I'll use that!"

He left and came back with shit all over his hands and clothes.

His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"

The first one replied," Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with  3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem.

So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair.

He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me??

There was no response.

He moved a little closer and said again,"Honey, can you hear me?"

Still, there was no response.

Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey , can you hear me?"

She replied," For the third time, Yes!"

Quotation #6

Life is tough and if you have the ability to laugh at it you have the ability to enjoy it."

ชีวิตเป็นเรื่องที่ยาก/ทรหด/ต้องสู้ และ ถ้าคุณมีความสามารถที่หัวเราะให้กับความยาก/ทรหดนั้นได้ คุณก็มีความสามารถที่จะสนุกกับชิวิตได้เช่นกัน
.........................................................................................
Salma Hayek

The funeral

The funeral



A man is at his lawyer's funeral and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him.

"Why are you all at this man's funeral?"

A man turns towards him and says. "We're all clients."

"And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching."

"No, we came to make sure he was dead."

Sharapova

Sharapova

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed and old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

"Pardon me," she said. "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' ? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $280. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!" "Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.